This Man's Affair: A Steamy Story

I have a confession: I’ve been having an affair of sorts for the last 18 years. There has been another gal in my life long before I ever met my wife, Jaclyn. But before I go any further (and before you start sending me hate email and text messages), hear me out and let me just say two quick things: First, it's over; and second, it’s probably not what you think.

So, put down the rocks, take a deep breath, just relax, and keep reading.

We met at Walmart in the home appliance aisle. She was a thing of beauty. I was just a college freshman back then with little to offer her materially (mostly t-shirts, shorts, and the occasional polo shirt), but that didn't seem to matter to her. Little did I know that when I brought her back home that day we'd be together for almost 20 years. 

And then yesterday when I was spending some alone time with her (we were smoothing the wrinkles out of the shirt I was wearing to church that day), the unimaginable happened, she died.

Right. In. My. Hands. 

My clothes iron died yesterday, y'all!

There's no telling how many shirts, pants, shorts, tablecloths, curtains, bedsheets, and linens "Queasy" (short for "Quick" & "Easy") and I have ironed out over the years together. I have some fond memories of trips we've taken together. There was the time we went SCUBA diving in Antigua. People said it couldn't be done. We sure showed them a thing or two!

And I'll never forget our skiing trip in the Swiss Alps. So. Much. Fun! I learned something new then too: She could still get the job done even in sub-freezing temperatures!

So my friends, rather than discarding her like yesterday's trash, I gave her a hug as I said good-bye and held a proper funeral fitting for such a durable, reliable, and steamy companion - someone who's always been there in my time of ironing need. 

Maybe Geoffrey Chaucer was right - all good things must come to an end. 

Or maybe not?!

I don't know who said it, but it's been said: "All bad things can't last forever," and as it turns out all bad things don't last forever because guess what? Just this morning while I was cruising the home appliance section in Target look what I found! Say hello to my new friend, Allure!